I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
I would personally love to see the surveillance video of me throwing my stuff inside, peeing on the sidewalk, then crying hysterically when I realized I locked myself out. Again.
Also you know what's worse than drunk texting? Drunk leaving soup on your hot neighbor's porch.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
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