I just watched Juno. I kind of wish I was in highschool and pregnant
The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
a chick just tried to cover her fart by sneezing. it didn't work
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
the lady next to me just sniffed my hair, smiled, and then fell asleep. I almost started crying from that kind of creepiness
don't cry, we can learn from her
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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