I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
i feel as if its time to shave my pubes but i should wait until before the party. nobody likes a sloppy drunk girl with a stubble-crotch.
story of my life.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
this is a time for prayers...seriously
let us hold hands and pray.. sweet baby jesus please bring us some sweet sweet man loving this homecoming weekend to aid our lonely vaginas it has been a long couple of weeks amen.
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I also point out to everyone that she looks like DJ's gf on Roseanne.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
Randomize
