He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
That's what you get for not wearing a bra and jumping on a trampoline
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
You mom sent me some article linking anal sex, damaged prostates and sterility. Does she still think your gonna go straight and have kids one day?
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize
