My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Jack off faster Americas best dance crew is beyonce themed
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I'm sorry I ignored your high cries for help while you were grating cheese on my dog.
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
