I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
Theres just something about looking at pictures of your dick in church that doesn't feel right
Just went outside to gather hail to use to make margaritas since we ran out of ice. That's God's way of helping us out.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
I need you to know I’m weirdly very sexually attracted to Charlie Puth now
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
