remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
I don't know what that means. Any of it. BUT I will be at your house at 10:20 and you better be ready to get high as balls.
You really need to stop getting injured so often it's really starting to negatively impact my sex life. Oh and get well soon. . . no seriously though hurry the fuck up.
Randomize
