i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
is it cool if i crash at ur house this weekend again bro
yea dude but i wld bring a sleeping bag or something just in case. or u may just have to shack up with a woman or 2 cuz we hav 10 girls visiting/staying over at my house.
how did u manage to make sleeping with a bunch of girls sound like an inconvenience?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
