Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Yeah plus that night got so disgusting it's basically a repressed memory anyway
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
don't think less of me for this, but i'm pretty sure he did a line off my boob last night.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
