I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I still have your handprint on my ass. You're not allowed to ignore me yet.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
