It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
oh the usual. high as balls and crying about the hunger games.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
Randomize
