so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
As I was puking last night I told them "it's ok I'm a paramedic"
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
We split an eighth of shrooms and went ice fishing. It didn't get weird until I caught one and we both started crying.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
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