plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
I have a plus one for the Blackout Express, should I pen in your name?
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
I just took the kind of shit that makes your eyes well up with tears as you feel it moving inside of you... So cleansing.
As your only female friend, I feel the need to inform you that texts like these are why she dumped you.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
The same idiot-bubble, now just bigger and louder.
Randomize