All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
I think youre just another guy trying to take advantage of a young naive innocent girl
you're not innocent... Once you have taken it in the turd cutter you can't label yourself innocent.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
we'll go far in life on tits alone.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
College has taught me that the "best idea" is rarely the fun one.
This is true but you can't really get fired from college
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
