I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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