Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
You would be my first round pick for a drinking team
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Randomize
