so..some girl walked up to me on the porch last night. She came to apologize for peeing on our lawn a few days ago. I just looked at her and said it was ok, she wasn't the first.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
did she really think she could get into the club & no one would recognize her from 16 & pregnant???
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
Im pretty sure that girl just said "Im taking you home even if your girlfriend has to come too." Why are we here again?
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Nothing like having a family watch you dry heave at the end of the dock
Randomize
