You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I just need three more girls to complete my 'Freak-a-leak' bang list. Know any girls named Zahra, Shavon, or Daronda?
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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