I CAN MOONWALK!
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
To put it in a frame of reference with which you're familiar, it was like making out with a golden retriever.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
I told her we had to stay at the bar until at least midnight because that's when my direct deposit hit, don't tell me i'm not responsible
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
