it wasn't lemon gatorade
i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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