I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
