Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
just gave him road head on the way home IN A SNOW STORM..good thing we didn't crash or I'd be dead. I DIDN'T HAVE MY SEATBELT ON
clearly you have your priorities straight
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
possibly one of my favorite moments was wiping it off your nose after you high fived a bouncer
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
Hold on...did you Instagram a picture of you and your boyfriend while you were sending me dirty snapchats?
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
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