And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
it's 10:36pm. Do you know where your penis should be?
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Any who, I expect to be showered with roses apon my arrival
How about beer and nachos?
A fine substitute!
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