i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Highlight your past hook-ups. You've been stabbed, shot at, run over, and chased down the road...no you can't bring new bar bitch over here!
Dude she has a friend!!!!
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
