seriously iPhone. stop autocorrecting all my fucks into ducks. you're making all my strong worded texts look harmless and adorable.
I assume you are not resopnding because you are having sex thus i give you a text message high five
i justawanted to let you know that illi aalways be thwew for ui and o qill waasag youer dog whenebvet u wsnt
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
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