I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
She was blacklisted from the Uhaul center...what the fuck do you have to do to get blacklisted from a Uhaul center
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
Just to save you guys the surprise, somebody shit outside of our door.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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