Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I just came rly close to telling a dude that I want to chew on him and there should be an oil painting of his ass up in the louvre before I realized that isn't how flirting is supposed to go
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
