She has an incinerator in her basement. Have you ever incinerated used condoms?
Lmao what?
It's a yes or no question.
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Got paid to make out with a girl. It takes skill to be this drunk and still make money
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
Where was Alyssa when you were sniffing the bouncer?
Passed out on some guy who looked like someone from Duck Dynasty.
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
I met his parents. We played twister. My boob popped out.
Randomize
