I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
My heart stopped for a sec, but I snorted what I believe was cocaine off the floor, and I'm back in the fight
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Who knew wearing a toga outside would provide for and infinite amount of dick to choose fron
Didn't think the day of being the oldest in a club would be when I'm twenty one. Even the bouncer looked surprised when he ID me.
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