I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
looking at my texts from you makes me want to throw up in my pants
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
Dude. You gotta go home. I think I left the snake hanging on the chandelier.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
on the bright side i found your panties and the lid to the nutella
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