thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
As a plus, I've lost 5 pounds in two days, so "party all weekend" is officially a valid diet plan.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
Randomize
