how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Nah, lets use your guy, my drug dealer is going all pineapple express on me
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I mean, he was my book buddy in 1st grade. The kid taught me how to read, the least I could do was give him head.
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
The fun I thought I would be having now when I was six is vastly different from what I am currently doing. Hurraaay sex and vicodin.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
