Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
wake up i wanna do it froggy style
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
so id say it was a successful trip...i only got hit on by one cousin...
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
Sorry I couldn't make it...got a scrambled voicemail, all I heard was "Bring the dildo"
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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