i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
he had a blacklight sublime poster, of course i had to do him.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
you'll be horrified to know he's visiting next weekend
You two are a rollercoaster of sex and silence.
Found my bike today. On top of the garage. I'm not even going to ask myself why.
I did something similar high once. I stopped like 30 feet in front of a stop sign because I felt like it was running towards me and I started crying. Got out my car and hugged it and told it not to run away people need it.
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
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