I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Well that's my green light to bang ur brother. Its not real til its on fb
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
Low key that was incredibly dangerous to let me wield a sword at this point in the night
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
