so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Randomize
