Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
so many types of cookies right now. i'm eating four kinds of cookies that i've made into larger cookie sandwiches. too high. whoa.
Fucking him was like shopping for my first training bra.. Embarrassing yet extremely useful
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
You're only allowed to hookup with one freshman a semester. MAKE IT COUNT.
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
Randomize