Only a mothe r could love this liver
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
Somehow she slept thru the vacuuming, people walking in and out, and the sound of constant beer bottles hitting the trash, but when someone said weed in a regular volume of voice she startled awake.
All I wanted was a quiet evening to masturbate and eat cake and instead you ruined it by bringing girls over.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
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