he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
hey u leave my anime porn out of this
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
Randomize