tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
After we had sex he made me watch a Top Gun highlight video...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
I told him I was on my period but he says "I'm a doctor, you think I can't handle blood?" And just went for it. Jackpot
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
Just because you got dumped by some loser doeant mean you need Jesus. It just means you need better friends and some booze
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
