Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
I slept like a rock because of your dick. I'll thank him personally later.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
Randomize
