So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
1. Why did we have the team Chirstmas party in November 2. Why didn't anyone tell me the coaches were invited 3. Why did coach get the giant vibrator I brought
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Officially spring today. First sighting of loud-ass Steller Jay on the balcony.
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
He showed up soaking wet with a flashlight and a ping pong ball. I couldn't say no
Well we've always known you have a weakness for guys with balls in their hands
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
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