There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
woke up in your bed at 6 AM. on my way home I passed Nathan, bloody, barefoot, and still in a toga. He told me he woke up in a ditch then kept repeating "I'm totally bringing this up at meeting tomorrow". I'm proud of your frat today
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
im shaving my vagina and listening to frank sinatra, im coming over after
Randomize
