His dick was so small it sat perched on top of his balls like it was king of his scrotum.
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
