totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
she made out with a stripper. how was scrabble night with your girlfriend
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I have bruises all over my legs. Did I hit a car with my bike last night?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize
