Sooo, his balls are like... bigger than my head...
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
She was like the Rudy of blow jobs... SO much effort into it
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
I'm sorry and I love you. One day we're going to live in a whore mansion with our babies and make boys cry.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
That super awesome moment when the guy who threw up in your bed last night crawls into your roommate's bed the next morning...Naked...She was in it.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
I think I accidentally got a sugar daddy but I was already planning on sleeping with him so I’m going to see where this goes
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