he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Going overboard is basically 75% of my personality
I'm a gorgeous hot mess
She said she was sorry for rolling around in her own vomit. Honestly, I thought it really added to the party.
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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