he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I lost my pants last night, she told me I walked into their room after leaving 5 minutes before wearing my thong.....and no pants. I have absolutely no idea where I left them.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
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