help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I don't remember coming home but there is cereal EVERYWHERE
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Didn't pick classes because we were out all weekend...only open course is "alcohol and drug problems". Fucking ironic.
When he's drowning in your chest and he muffles out the words 'I just want to live here' that's a compliment right?
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
I apparently lifted the young child over my head yelling "Victory!" after that last game of pool, right before doing some Girls Just Wanna Have Fun karaoke.
Randomize
