She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
There are not one, but two women wearing my boxers on the couch right now. You need to wake the fuck up.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
Woke to a half burnt 20 in my pocket, covered in mud, clothes all wet, so im assuming I didn't use that 20 you gave me for a taxi
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
i need some food
Holy shit I forgot about you stabbing him.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
