im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Just laying in bed with my vibrator eating cold tortillas and listening to Savage Garden.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
this is the fourth time i've taken my clothes off for money this year. is that normal for the average college sophomore?
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
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