I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
...So a 6 ft tall drag queen in heels I would kill for just told me I have a dunkable ass. I'm confused...but I'll take any compliment I can.
Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
The best time of year to be high is WHEN THE KING CAKES ARE HALF OFF BECAUSE MARDI GRAS IS OVER YEEEEEEEEEEEEAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
My mom comes home from her weekend with her lesbian co-workers and asks "You wanna know how I got these bruises?" I've never been more torn about anything EVER.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I can't believe I'm coordinating a threesome at work. My productivity is at an all time low.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I've got a bottle of water, a bag of salad greens, and a bottle of hot sauce. How stoned do you think I am?
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
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