I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
When you get up and look at yourself in the mirror, don't be alarmed. The doctor assured us last night that it looked way worse than it actually was and there won't be a scar when the stitches come out
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
I made out with a guy because he ate a grape lollipop and he tasted delicious... not my proudest moment.
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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