I masturbated on the webcams with my bf yesterday then typed without washing my hands first... then my roommate used my laptop it was pretty priceless
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
I'm sobbing to NWA
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
