my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Dude she's famous. She's on an episode of campus pd. Can't not fuck her
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
You've fucked so many I should get a word bank when you make me guess these things.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
A+ Viking dick
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Randomize
