omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
he bit the head off a dead goose for 5 beers. this is my future boyfriend.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
Also, putting laundry hampers on my head and pretending I'm an astronaut is a good way to get caught in every door frame in the house.
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
My heart wants him and my vagina wants him...to have a bigger dick.
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Randomize
