At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
dude, i was at the student union last night trying to study but some retarded sorority spent an hour voting on the color of the seasons shirts like it was a UN meeting- someone motioned purple, someone objected, and half an hour later after 2 recounts they decided on purple
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
She was that classic mixture between "Hell no" and "Why the fuck not."
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
Whoever decided it was a good idea to sell 40's at a bar with life-sized jenga deserves a nobel prize.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
The body is still out there. I don't think my trainer realized when he asked me not to drink for 24 days, how often I see dead people
Randomize
