Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
please don't forget about the bread in the toilet i am absolutely not dealing with that
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
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