I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
hahaha! you have a girlfriend
tell that to the new girl at work who i screwed on the washing machine today...
she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
You are currently doing Harry Potter spells with the turkey-baster...
Randomize
