Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
UGH FUCK THIS TRAFFIC I WANNA SUCK A DICK
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
