The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Hey, so I'm not coming into work til Friday. Some guy I've known for about 8 hours just offered me a free vacation to Maui and bought my plane ticket. He's Aussie so I'm 75% sure he won't murder me
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Randomize
