i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
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