She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Wow! It's so great to hear from you! We all thought you perished in Winepocalypse 2012, man.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
