Awkward is getting caught beating off in the company bathroom...
It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
tuesday night obama will do an address about the oil spill at 8... it'll only be about 15 minutes... but i think thats plenty of time for a drinking game. key words "oil" "bp" and "responsibility"?
Fuck yes. Let's make bingo cards.
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
Randomize