we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
Now that mom and dad sold the camper, do you think it's okay to talk about all the sex I had in it?
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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