Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
well he's currently spooning the coffee table
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
you ate an entire watermelon by using a CD as a spoon, then proceeded to chuck the leftovers at some dudes car...
Randomize
